I want to revisit an idea that I brought up in an older post ("Am I Good Enough" June 16, 2008). In that post, I described a feeling that I had when attending church as an active addict. I felt like I didn't fit in, and that everyone else was doing better with their spiritual life than I. What caused these feelings? What is the solution to this dilemma? Have you ever felt like you were the only one struggling in a room full of healthy people?
In the years since I first came clean about my compulsive behaviors and addictions, I have had to continually battle against the temptation to remain silent, or even secretive with respect to my tendency to do the wrong thing. Even more so, when surrounded by others who appear to be doing very well, I am likely to wear a mask for fear that I would be judged or at least excluded from the crowd were they to know about my compulsive behaviors. Understand that you are not alone if you have ever felt this way.
The simple solution to this problem is to get honest. Take off the mask. Reveal yourself, as embarrassing as it may seem, to someone you can trust. This is not an exercise in public humiliation. You must seek out, through prayer, someone with whom you can develop a trust relationship for the purpose of sharing the intimate details of your secret life.
James 5:16 tells us to "confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." I believe this passage of scripture does not mean that you will be healed from your addiction. I believe that it means that you will be healed from the sickness that accompanies un-confessed sin. So, for the person who compulsively sins, he or she must learn to regularly confess their sins to someone who is willing to pray for them.
This is not the end of your addiction. Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of what may turn out to be the hardest part of your spiritual development. As you begin to reveal the truth to someone, you may have to re-live some of the feelings that you avoided through the soothing mechanism of compulsive or addictive behaviors. But hang on, it will get better. Eventually, you may find that you are confessing temptations, rather than sins. Once you have reached this point, you are beginning to process feelings rather than stuffing them. You are beginning to trust others.
So, what about your church life? Have you experienced healing as James 5:16 promises? Are you sitting in the pews with a new view on living the Christian life? Do you need to talk to someone who understands what it is like to struggle with addictions and compulsive behaviors? Maybe the first step would be to talk to your pastor. He is likely to know some people who struggle like you. Seek a support group. I have included some links in the sidebar where you can find information about groups that focus on the development of trusting relationships. May God bless you as you take this step toward healing.
1 comment:
Josh,
This is right on the money and probably the hardest thing that I am learning in my recovery and still my biggest struggle...isolating and trying to handle my temptations and private sins privately. It doesn't work and it will make you sick. Two thoughts come to me about this. First is the verse in Proverbs that says "He who covers his sins won't prosper but he who confesses and forsakes them will find mercy." Second, is the need to learn to trust God by trusting others. I don't think us addicts naturally trust anything but our addictive behaviors to bring relief. Taking the leap to trust another when we have been burned by people in the past requires trusting God and learning to be discerning about who is a safe person to talk to. In my experience, if you don't know who is safe, start with someone who is publically identified as someone who desires to help addicts (recovery group leader, sponsor, pastor, counselor, etc.). While there are no gaurantees, it is a good bet that talking to someone who deals with the issue you are struggling with on a daily basis and has some training and experience in dealing with issues in a confidentail way is a good place to start. Just my thoughts:)
Josh G
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